Deeply thought provoking piece, Spiff. I've sent it to a lot of people in my orbit. If only every 20 year old could read this. I've always pondered why my first 12 years seemed like such a very long period of time, yet now at 74 I'm increasingly aware of how fleeting time on earth really is. In that sense, at least one's perception of time definitely changes as you get older. When you are young, you really do feel as if you are immortal and the end point is lost in the far-off haze. We don't want to think about that. We waste time where we should not, we procrastinate about living living fully, imagining this or that great thing will come later. I see so many people utterly wasting their allotted time on earth, marinating in near total inaction, just vegetating so to speak.
I heard a comment the other day that went like this: "Imagine you are dead now. What would you be doing going forward, how would you live life if you were not dead?"
My dear mother died at 95. She was extremely intelligent and there were many things she wanted to do but did not do a single one of them, mostly through insecurity I suspect. The time was never quite right to do this or that, she would always say the circumstances had to be "just so". As she was close to the end, I'll never forget the comment she made: "I can't believe this is happening." I didn't question her, but I knew exactly what she meant. She knew she was near the end, she wasn't done, she would never do the things she thought she would eventually get to, she didn't want to go, and now it was too late. This has been in my mind ever since I heard her say that. I try to apply it to myself as much as possible.
Thank you for your kind comments, and for sharing. It all helps. And I would like to think these reflection type articles help someone.
I absolutely sympathize with your mother's predicament. We are not trained to accept our deaths, so it seems like a real insult. Is that it? What about the things I didn't do? No doubt this is what was on her mind at the end. The party goes on without you as you meet oblivion.
The lesson is clear. You must strive to not be in this position. What is it that matters to you? Are there things still to do? Write a novel, make a movie, start a t-shirt company? I think most of us are held back by mild embarrassment frankly. I will look stupid if I start a business at 74, that kind of thing. Shame has its place in a civilized society of course, but we often bend it out of shape. So it is often not really dire obstacles that stop us. Just things in our heads.
There is a meme that does the rounds. What would you do if you were not afraid? That is the question. Most of us would conquer the world, or at least conquer a few mountains.
Life is not easy. But experienced psychotherapists often remind us we ourselves are the problem. We often just need to simplify. We usually just need to get out of our own way, which is harder than it sounds. For most progress some mental process whereby we dampen the doubting voices in our heads is absolutely crucial. Just do it. Stop being critical long enough to get your running shoes on and out the door.
I do hope you do. 74 is much younger now than it was in your mother's time. Life is there to be lived.
If you click on the Reflections link at the top of the main page there are more like this.
My grandfather died at 94. I remember his last words to me: "it was really enough". He passed away peacefully. He didn't do much in his life definitely not to today's standards but still for him was enough. I'm sorry that your mom felt differently.
No objection. There are messages the young need to hear and take to heart! Another thing I remember my mother saying when she was perhaps in her 80s was that she didn't feel any different at 80 than she did at 30, and she was always shocked when she looked in the mirror and thought about her age. Young people think older people are somehow "different", but in many ways they are not. Their bodies are older, hopefully they have accumulated more wisdom and understanding of the world borne of their years on earth. I say "hopefully" because unfortunately, I do know some older people (most specifically my sister-in-law, age 70) who don't appear to have learned one single thing in a long life. They just keep stupidly muddling through life making the same dumb decisions over and over and wondering why things don't get better. One thing I discovered about her is that she truly lacks the capacity for honest self reflection.
I’m trying to live like I’ll be 25 forever. I want to wake up one day and find out to my great surprise that I’m actually 95. Then I can say “wow it’s been a great ride. I’m done now. Think I’ll go to sleep and die.”
A question to ask the young is, "Why plant a fruit-tree when you're over 50 years old?". Eventually, most 20-somethings get it (young children gets it immediately, most of the time).
Another things to consider is, clock-time isn't real time. Clock-time is artificial, invented to keep us in the eternal treadmill of industrialist capitalist society, keep us stressed and keep us wanting, fearing and think we are lacking - "Gotta keep up with the Joneses".
The cycles of the Moon is real time. Tides are real. Seasons are real. The time it takes a seed to mature into an edible plant is real. Or the time it takes to paint an oil-painting on canvas. Or renovate an old jalopy. Live in real time, not clock-time, is such a threat to machine-society it makes many furious when they realise they can actually choose to learn how to live according to real time, yet still do so while benefitting from and exploiting the machine.
And realising, and accepting, that it's not "I can't do ABC because of XYZ" but instead "I choose XYZ before ABC", is like Atlas getting to put down the sky for a minute. Make the things you do, or don't do, into your choice, and the sense of freedom will make you shine like a light-house at night to others.
Which is precisely why I don't have a clock in my living area, constant glancing at a clock seems to move it along faster somehow. Completely agree about living in what I've always thought of as nature's time but real time describes it equally well.
Strange because for me time slowed down significantly since I wear a watch again. I got more aware of time and can appreciate or feel more precisely how much time went by.
That's exactly what I would have expected. When I was a child and waiting to go somewhere, adults always said stop looking at the clock or it will feel longer.
I'm curious but has your watch got a slow tick, or even no tick? I don't know why but I think the rate of a tick has something to do with it. Rhythm of life or something.
It's a digital watch has no tick. It has minute hand and hour hand so looks like a normal watch but it has two hidden displays for steps/HR and other measurements. (Garmin vivomove style)
Could be that then I guess. I used to have to visit someone who had a collection of clocks in one room, all different tick rates and always left me feeling out of sorts and that person also was frequently ill. Give you three guesses what I thought was their health problem. 😄
Great writing again. Whenever I get to pondering about things like where the hell the last (however many) years went, I always end up mentally repeating Roger Waters' (ahem) timeless words from TDSOTM: "And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...".
It might not be Shakespeare, but it always hits me like lightning from the blue. There is so much to be said about how he have become more and more detached from the reality of our mortality and willingly passive , placated and drugged by screen-scrolling at other people's inauthentic projections of their own equally passive lives for the most part.
The usual great work though I do disagree with you on one small point as regards myself. I never obsess on my age. When I was 35 yrs I decided that was the age I'd choose to stay at given the choice. Not because there wasn't any bad moments, there were but for me it's a great age to be. Old enough to have learnt some wisdom and other valuable lessons in life, fit enough to do everything I'd done since twenty five and didn't scare myself when I looked in the mirror. There mentally I have remained and my friend I'll have you know, next year is a great year as I'll be 35 years old twice. How's that for luck? 😉
In fairness my comment didn't do justice to what you wrote, as usual you used the perfect quote and wrote some really great solutions. I handle life by never falling into a set routine, even more so with not having to work anymore. I have neighbour's I could set my clock by but a clock is the one thing I don't have in my main room, it seems to hasten time somehow.
I also eat when I'm hungry and switch up the order of those jobs that have to be done nearly daily, I'm even "bad" some days and ignore them altogether.
Timely message...no pun intended. It is timely for me as I am advancing toward a new destination, pulling up roots that have been growing 4 decades, with some reluctance and doubt, a lot of standing in my own way, too much negative energy expended when positive energy would have eliminated a great deal of the projecting a future that won't exist unless I allow it. I am steering, begrudgingly to some degree, my way out of the rut of my life, encountering potholes and road blocks, but also overcoming them. When my destination is reached I will have made memories and achievements that I will look back upon with satisfaction. I made it! Before my time was up🥳
It's sure not for the timid or self-protective. I'm learning more about myself than I want to know. Learning to be patient and forgiving myself does not come easy.
Deeply thought provoking piece, Spiff. I've sent it to a lot of people in my orbit. If only every 20 year old could read this. I've always pondered why my first 12 years seemed like such a very long period of time, yet now at 74 I'm increasingly aware of how fleeting time on earth really is. In that sense, at least one's perception of time definitely changes as you get older. When you are young, you really do feel as if you are immortal and the end point is lost in the far-off haze. We don't want to think about that. We waste time where we should not, we procrastinate about living living fully, imagining this or that great thing will come later. I see so many people utterly wasting their allotted time on earth, marinating in near total inaction, just vegetating so to speak.
I heard a comment the other day that went like this: "Imagine you are dead now. What would you be doing going forward, how would you live life if you were not dead?"
My dear mother died at 95. She was extremely intelligent and there were many things she wanted to do but did not do a single one of them, mostly through insecurity I suspect. The time was never quite right to do this or that, she would always say the circumstances had to be "just so". As she was close to the end, I'll never forget the comment she made: "I can't believe this is happening." I didn't question her, but I knew exactly what she meant. She knew she was near the end, she wasn't done, she would never do the things she thought she would eventually get to, she didn't want to go, and now it was too late. This has been in my mind ever since I heard her say that. I try to apply it to myself as much as possible.
Thank you for your kind comments, and for sharing. It all helps. And I would like to think these reflection type articles help someone.
I absolutely sympathize with your mother's predicament. We are not trained to accept our deaths, so it seems like a real insult. Is that it? What about the things I didn't do? No doubt this is what was on her mind at the end. The party goes on without you as you meet oblivion.
The lesson is clear. You must strive to not be in this position. What is it that matters to you? Are there things still to do? Write a novel, make a movie, start a t-shirt company? I think most of us are held back by mild embarrassment frankly. I will look stupid if I start a business at 74, that kind of thing. Shame has its place in a civilized society of course, but we often bend it out of shape. So it is often not really dire obstacles that stop us. Just things in our heads.
There is a meme that does the rounds. What would you do if you were not afraid? That is the question. Most of us would conquer the world, or at least conquer a few mountains.
Life is not easy. But experienced psychotherapists often remind us we ourselves are the problem. We often just need to simplify. We usually just need to get out of our own way, which is harder than it sounds. For most progress some mental process whereby we dampen the doubting voices in our heads is absolutely crucial. Just do it. Stop being critical long enough to get your running shoes on and out the door.
I do hope you do. 74 is much younger now than it was in your mother's time. Life is there to be lived.
If you click on the Reflections link at the top of the main page there are more like this.
My grandfather died at 94. I remember his last words to me: "it was really enough". He passed away peacefully. He didn't do much in his life definitely not to today's standards but still for him was enough. I'm sorry that your mom felt differently.
Do you mind if I quote some of this in a future article?
No objection. There are messages the young need to hear and take to heart! Another thing I remember my mother saying when she was perhaps in her 80s was that she didn't feel any different at 80 than she did at 30, and she was always shocked when she looked in the mirror and thought about her age. Young people think older people are somehow "different", but in many ways they are not. Their bodies are older, hopefully they have accumulated more wisdom and understanding of the world borne of their years on earth. I say "hopefully" because unfortunately, I do know some older people (most specifically my sister-in-law, age 70) who don't appear to have learned one single thing in a long life. They just keep stupidly muddling through life making the same dumb decisions over and over and wondering why things don't get better. One thing I discovered about her is that she truly lacks the capacity for honest self reflection.
I’m trying to live like I’ll be 25 forever. I want to wake up one day and find out to my great surprise that I’m actually 95. Then I can say “wow it’s been a great ride. I’m done now. Think I’ll go to sleep and die.”
A worthy ambition.
A question to ask the young is, "Why plant a fruit-tree when you're over 50 years old?". Eventually, most 20-somethings get it (young children gets it immediately, most of the time).
Another things to consider is, clock-time isn't real time. Clock-time is artificial, invented to keep us in the eternal treadmill of industrialist capitalist society, keep us stressed and keep us wanting, fearing and think we are lacking - "Gotta keep up with the Joneses".
The cycles of the Moon is real time. Tides are real. Seasons are real. The time it takes a seed to mature into an edible plant is real. Or the time it takes to paint an oil-painting on canvas. Or renovate an old jalopy. Live in real time, not clock-time, is such a threat to machine-society it makes many furious when they realise they can actually choose to learn how to live according to real time, yet still do so while benefitting from and exploiting the machine.
And realising, and accepting, that it's not "I can't do ABC because of XYZ" but instead "I choose XYZ before ABC", is like Atlas getting to put down the sky for a minute. Make the things you do, or don't do, into your choice, and the sense of freedom will make you shine like a light-house at night to others.
Which is precisely why I don't have a clock in my living area, constant glancing at a clock seems to move it along faster somehow. Completely agree about living in what I've always thought of as nature's time but real time describes it equally well.
Strange because for me time slowed down significantly since I wear a watch again. I got more aware of time and can appreciate or feel more precisely how much time went by.
That's exactly what I would have expected. When I was a child and waiting to go somewhere, adults always said stop looking at the clock or it will feel longer.
I'm curious but has your watch got a slow tick, or even no tick? I don't know why but I think the rate of a tick has something to do with it. Rhythm of life or something.
It's a digital watch has no tick. It has minute hand and hour hand so looks like a normal watch but it has two hidden displays for steps/HR and other measurements. (Garmin vivomove style)
Could be that then I guess. I used to have to visit someone who had a collection of clocks in one room, all different tick rates and always left me feeling out of sorts and that person also was frequently ill. Give you three guesses what I thought was their health problem. 😄
Great writing again. Whenever I get to pondering about things like where the hell the last (however many) years went, I always end up mentally repeating Roger Waters' (ahem) timeless words from TDSOTM: "And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...".
It might not be Shakespeare, but it always hits me like lightning from the blue. There is so much to be said about how he have become more and more detached from the reality of our mortality and willingly passive , placated and drugged by screen-scrolling at other people's inauthentic projections of their own equally passive lives for the most part.
Totally agree. I think the era of glowing rectangles has made it all worse. So many distractions to keep us from living.
A beautiful and much-needed reminder to carpe myself in the diem, thanks
The usual great work though I do disagree with you on one small point as regards myself. I never obsess on my age. When I was 35 yrs I decided that was the age I'd choose to stay at given the choice. Not because there wasn't any bad moments, there were but for me it's a great age to be. Old enough to have learnt some wisdom and other valuable lessons in life, fit enough to do everything I'd done since twenty five and didn't scare myself when I looked in the mirror. There mentally I have remained and my friend I'll have you know, next year is a great year as I'll be 35 years old twice. How's that for luck? 😉
35 sounds like a good age to remain. Good for you.
In fairness my comment didn't do justice to what you wrote, as usual you used the perfect quote and wrote some really great solutions. I handle life by never falling into a set routine, even more so with not having to work anymore. I have neighbour's I could set my clock by but a clock is the one thing I don't have in my main room, it seems to hasten time somehow.
I also eat when I'm hungry and switch up the order of those jobs that have to be done nearly daily, I'm even "bad" some days and ignore them altogether.
I think routines have their place. But it can be easy to end up in a rut.
Agreed.
Timely message...no pun intended. It is timely for me as I am advancing toward a new destination, pulling up roots that have been growing 4 decades, with some reluctance and doubt, a lot of standing in my own way, too much negative energy expended when positive energy would have eliminated a great deal of the projecting a future that won't exist unless I allow it. I am steering, begrudgingly to some degree, my way out of the rut of my life, encountering potholes and road blocks, but also overcoming them. When my destination is reached I will have made memories and achievements that I will look back upon with satisfaction. I made it! Before my time was up🥳
That all sounds good. Change is not easy.
It's sure not for the timid or self-protective. I'm learning more about myself than I want to know. Learning to be patient and forgiving myself does not come easy.
Patience is definitely not easy. Nor is self-forgiveness. But we need both. It is important not to be too hard on yourself. Life will do that for you.
Good reminder. Thank you, Spiff.
Always good to be reminded. Life is finite.
Far too many people refuse to mark time. Time happens to them and they are unprepared for it. Truly sad.
But not after reading this! So send it to all your friends to become really unpopular 🤓