“A neurotic drive to somehow capture and preserve an experience for later revisiting rather than the kind of immersion required to actually live now.”
There’s a mass market belief that Native Americans™️ didn’t want their picture taken because they feared their souls would be captured in the photo. I can’t speak to the historical validity of this belief, but I have largely stopped taking pictures when I’m out enjoying myself, hiking, camping,seeing live music, etc... because I’ve found that stopping to do so captures my attention and takes me out of the moment that’s actually happening.
Life is for living now, not sitting on the couch reminiscing.
We must make plans. We must train, and evaluate what we can imagine can happen, and stretch that imagination. This prepares us with possible actions we can take, and makes us aware of resources and possible fixes. Call this preparation rather than planning.
Then things really break down or hurdles come up. Those wedded to the plan freeze. Those who've wedded to the plan with no fallback or resources or confidence to handle what has changed are stuck. Those who take what they've considered and set aside and use it to fix the issues or take the new opportunity do well.
It is a conundrum. Zero planning is not workable. And yet plans are not great. They can be an impediment. Perhaps plans are like lifting weights. The purpose isn't to lift weights but to perform at a higher level. It is the muscles you want not the activity of weightlifting.
This is exactly the kick in the ass I need. I’ve been a hermit after a hurtful and difficult petition drive to get JFK Jr. on our state ballot. The ugliness of speech towards me while trying to give people a choice in November made me retreat. It was the disappointment in adults especially Boomers that have lived an enchanted life and reaped the rewards of better economic times.
This was a great read and I respect what you are writing here. It’s impactful to be reminded not to turn inwards. That’s not the solution.
Looking inward has its place. Reflection and analysis, where you are in life, your mental state etc. All useful.
But life doesn't happen inside your head. It happens out there in the real world. Millions are losing out on life because the safe daydream feels real enough, and it comes with less anxiety.
My little poster is my own list of things I need to remind myself of. You will have your own. Write them down as reminders.
And thank you for reading. Feel free to share with others to spread the word.
If you like that piece, you may like this one too:
Excellent reminder on the importance of focus v drift. Funny you mention the concert phone phenomenon as I write a bit about this in the final instalment of my 3-part series. Infuriating and mystifying in equal measure.
There's what you want, what you need and what you must. Learning to discern which is which (or in which proportions they are combined) is a good thing.
As is learning to understand the difference between "need" and "want".
I need a car. I want a Schwerer Panzerspähwagen (Sd. Kfz. 232 - independent steering on all wheels!).
Since we can't afford to buy and operate a museum piece, we have a 4x4 pick-up truck instead.
Since I recognise my "want" as something unnecessary and that to try and make that "want" gratified would entail so much work it wouldn't be worth it, I'm perfectly happy just experiencing the "want" as-is, with no anxiety.
Wanting without any realist(ic) notion is what causes anxiety, as does needing without any kind of ground-level comparison or baseline. You need food. You may want a meal cooked by Nick-Nack the three-star Cordon Bleu chef, but what you've got is canned haggis.
No. 1 lesson though, is:
Reality doesn't care.
Start with that truth, and most things will fall into place.
Love the point about always trying to move forward in some area of your life. I think Erich Fromm said this originally, but our society is paradoxically too concerned with rest despite outward appearances of business. We binge Netflix, scroll, or drink beer "to relax" If we really feel that we need to do this we either need to change how we approach activities or we need to go to sleep (paraphrased by me).
I also think action doesn't necessarily have to involve what is stereotypically defined as action per-say. For example, I think reading books we really want to read, actually making time for meditation and reflection, or being alone in nature are all valuable things but don't necessarily get lumped in with the actions hustle culture invites us to take. Anyway, great post.
“A neurotic drive to somehow capture and preserve an experience for later revisiting rather than the kind of immersion required to actually live now.”
There’s a mass market belief that Native Americans™️ didn’t want their picture taken because they feared their souls would be captured in the photo. I can’t speak to the historical validity of this belief, but I have largely stopped taking pictures when I’m out enjoying myself, hiking, camping,seeing live music, etc... because I’ve found that stopping to do so captures my attention and takes me out of the moment that’s actually happening.
Life is for living now, not sitting on the couch reminiscing.
I agree. Photography is great. But the interruption of an event is bothersome. Although it is commonplace.
Reminds me of the Egyptian belief system: that which did not move was considered dead.
Here's the inspirational text on my wall:
"You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space.
"Fear nothing."
I've seen that one. It is good.
A friend's email sig is this Zen saying:
"Leap, and the net will appear."
Start on the path and the path will appear.
Love the comment of plans vs planning.
We must make plans. We must train, and evaluate what we can imagine can happen, and stretch that imagination. This prepares us with possible actions we can take, and makes us aware of resources and possible fixes. Call this preparation rather than planning.
Then things really break down or hurdles come up. Those wedded to the plan freeze. Those who've wedded to the plan with no fallback or resources or confidence to handle what has changed are stuck. Those who take what they've considered and set aside and use it to fix the issues or take the new opportunity do well.
It is a conundrum. Zero planning is not workable. And yet plans are not great. They can be an impediment. Perhaps plans are like lifting weights. The purpose isn't to lift weights but to perform at a higher level. It is the muscles you want not the activity of weightlifting.
It is one I struggle with. Plans are comforting.
Solid piece of writing, chief. Brings to mind a quote from the wise Andy Dufresne... "Get busy living or get busy dying." Advise worth heeding.
It is a mixture of things I have picked up and brought together on my bit of paper. It helps me focus.
But yes, you must get busy with the business of living. It is an activity.
Timely and appreciated post, Spiff.
"Our nature lies in movement. Complete calm is death."
--Pascal
Couldn't agree more. Lockdowns, remote working, online dating. All death to civilization.
This is exactly the kick in the ass I need. I’ve been a hermit after a hurtful and difficult petition drive to get JFK Jr. on our state ballot. The ugliness of speech towards me while trying to give people a choice in November made me retreat. It was the disappointment in adults especially Boomers that have lived an enchanted life and reaped the rewards of better economic times.
This was a great read and I respect what you are writing here. It’s impactful to be reminded not to turn inwards. That’s not the solution.
Thanks!
Looking inward has its place. Reflection and analysis, where you are in life, your mental state etc. All useful.
But life doesn't happen inside your head. It happens out there in the real world. Millions are losing out on life because the safe daydream feels real enough, and it comes with less anxiety.
My little poster is my own list of things I need to remind myself of. You will have your own. Write them down as reminders.
And thank you for reading. Feel free to share with others to spread the word.
If you like that piece, you may like this one too:
https://abysspostcard.substack.com/p/you-tarried-with-trifles
Excellent reminder on the importance of focus v drift. Funny you mention the concert phone phenomenon as I write a bit about this in the final instalment of my 3-part series. Infuriating and mystifying in equal measure.
There's what you want, what you need and what you must. Learning to discern which is which (or in which proportions they are combined) is a good thing.
As is learning to understand the difference between "need" and "want".
I need a car. I want a Schwerer Panzerspähwagen (Sd. Kfz. 232 - independent steering on all wheels!).
Since we can't afford to buy and operate a museum piece, we have a 4x4 pick-up truck instead.
Since I recognise my "want" as something unnecessary and that to try and make that "want" gratified would entail so much work it wouldn't be worth it, I'm perfectly happy just experiencing the "want" as-is, with no anxiety.
Wanting without any realist(ic) notion is what causes anxiety, as does needing without any kind of ground-level comparison or baseline. You need food. You may want a meal cooked by Nick-Nack the three-star Cordon Bleu chef, but what you've got is canned haggis.
No. 1 lesson though, is:
Reality doesn't care.
Start with that truth, and most things will fall into place.
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face” ~Mike Tyson
Love the point about always trying to move forward in some area of your life. I think Erich Fromm said this originally, but our society is paradoxically too concerned with rest despite outward appearances of business. We binge Netflix, scroll, or drink beer "to relax" If we really feel that we need to do this we either need to change how we approach activities or we need to go to sleep (paraphrased by me).
I also think action doesn't necessarily have to involve what is stereotypically defined as action per-say. For example, I think reading books we really want to read, actually making time for meditation and reflection, or being alone in nature are all valuable things but don't necessarily get lumped in with the actions hustle culture invites us to take. Anyway, great post.
Yes, I agree. The word action can be misinterpreted. I think being active as in not being passive. Meditation takes effort, as does reading.
My go to on my poster is action. It reminds me living is this active process. I will no doubt update the wording at some point.
I'd have thought you would have mentioned Teddy Roosevelt... and you might have, I don't know... I only scanned the piece.